There's a cup that's been hanging around the office since I started working
here several years ago. "Salesmanship begins when the customer says no." The
caption has always bothered me a little and I've never really been sure why.
Except that it's so bloody condescending. As if I don't know what I'm
talking about when I tell somebody I'm not interested in the newest, gotta
have it, can't pass it up, wonderful, gold plated widget.
I just realized how much it sounds like the person who won't take no for an
answer in another context. You know, the old "If she says yes she means yes,
if she says maybe she means yes and if she says no she means maybe. She just needs to be persuaded." And it
struck me just how horribly insulting that phrase can be.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
There's a cup that's been hanging around the office since I started working
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Katherine Harris of lamentable reputation, has stuck her foot into it again. After screwing up the electoral process in Florida as Secretary of State, she managed to get herself elected to House of Representatives. She's in what looks like a losing race for reelection. Even Jeb Bush doesn't support her and her campaign workers are jumpig ship. And she's even under investigation for accepting illegal campaign contributions. http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/rep-harris-comments-on-religion-draw/20060826194909990002 Hopefully, this will link will stick around for a day or two. It's to the news story about an interview she gave to a Baptist publication. Words.........fail me.
I wish these bozos would get it through their extraordinaliy thick heads that the amendment that forbids the government from establishing a state religion is there to protect us all from each other. There was a great short letter is the Oregonian this morning. The writer basically asked those who think that government snooping is ok to imagine how they'd feel if someone else, say Hillary, was president. Somehow I don't think the supporters of Bushie spying would be quite so relaxed if an administration they don't support were doing it
Many of the people who settled the colonies came here to get away from the established church in England. Try to imagine having to tithe to a church you don't support, being forced to attend a church you don't support, running the risk of arrest if you have prayer meetings in your own house, and having to swear to support a church you don't believe in if you want to teach or hold any kind of government office.
Part of this is kind of funny actually, I was talking to mom about this after she got home from church and I was getting a little excited, Hell I was getting very excited and kind of loud. Next thing I know, little Misty came dashing in and started meowing at me and acting more than a llittle worred. I think I scared her a little. People don't get very loud very often around here So I sat down and did what what really important. I petted the cat. :-)
Last week the board of deacons of a Baptist church in New York dismissed a teacher in the Sunday School because she's a woman. Apparently she was teaching an adult class (I'm assuming, it wasn't spelled out in the story) and the church has decided to take a literal interpretation of the Bible that forbids a woman to teach men. One of the news stories can be found here. http://news10now.com/content/top_stories/default.asp?ArID=76479
The double speak statement by the pastor can be found here. http://www.nnyinfo.com/firstbaptist/statement.htm Double speak is my definition, because he sure as hell talks like a politition. My impression of the drama is that there is a lot going on that wasn't in the news story. The teacher is a long time member and the pastor is fairly new and I get the impression that there is a lot of tension between the old and new factions of the church and the verses from Timothy are stuck in the middle. Easier to sell than "folks we got some old fashioned fussin' and feaudin' goin' on here." Actually, there are fewer fights dirtier and more divisive than a church break up.
http://messageboards.aol.com/aol/en_us/articles.php?boardId=565158&func=3&channel=News+AOL+Managed&refresh=true And this link gets you to the chats on the subject. What strikes me over and over is all the sides trying to prove that their view of the world is the one and only correct one. And none of it has anything to do with what Jesus taught. If we could channel all that energy into what Jesus actually was teaching we'd get a lot further and be a lot happier.
Apologies for making this an entry of links. But, I think how the story is perceived will be personal. And better to let the story be told in its own words than my synthesis or description of the story.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
It might be hard to get all this on a real sticker but, a girl can dream. I came across the phrase in a letter to editor in our local paper. The definition? I think I can blame less than divine inspiration.
Cranial Rectal Syndrome: The condition of having your head so far up your ass you can see the light beyond your tonsils.
Can you just imagine the ads for this "new" disease? Can you imagine who might be featured in such an ad? Frankly I'm not sure if there is a cure. A lot of the sufferers seem to be stuck in this position for good. At least if you accuse a person of having this syndrome you should have a good thirty second headstart while they try to decide if they're been insulted or not.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Bumper sticker spotted on the way to work this morning.
WHEN CLINTON LIED
I like it. It's kind of sad when you remember all the energy expended on Clinton's shading of the truth and look at the ho-hum and down right denial attitudes over this administration's lies. Too bad they don't get what Pinocchio did when he lied.
That is a picture I'd pay good money to see. Bush, or Cheney or Rummy with their noses getting longer and longer and longer.......:-)
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Juat a quick note on my break. A lady in New York has been dismissed from her position as a Sunday School teacher because she's a woman. She's been doing this for over fifty years. More on that later I hope.
But really scares me are the folks on the "fire her" side of the aisle. It's not the fundametalism so much as the obvious lack of education. And I'm assuming these folks are registered to vote. I just hope they aren't. I really hope they aren't. Uh, I gues they are. That's how we got stuck with the "shrub."
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I like summer, but I don't much like August in this end of the Willamette Valley. The valley is like two big bowls and all the junk gets trapped at this end. All the smog, dust from plowing grass stubble under, and the smoke from field burning. The hills are just a few miles away and you can barely see them for the brownish gunk in the air. Everybody including me is coughing and sneezing. This is our dry, very dry season. A nice little thunderstorm just to settle haze would be welcome. Heck, a nice little onshore flow from the ocean would even be welcome.
Got through the appointment with the cardiologist. I like him, his approach is fairly conservative and I got some questions answered. Good thing mom invited herself along because she had to park the car. Five levels in the parking structure and she had to make two trips up and down to find a space. The appointment was useful, I learned a lot and I was a nervous wreck at the end. I do not "do" doctors. Anyway, they're are no big tests in my future, just a lot of vegetables. That and my very own monitor. I do love Amazon.com. It sure beats running around town looking for something I can use from the get go. I didn't really come down until the wee hours this morning. It wasn't like my brain was chasing its tail or anything, I just wasn't going to sleep. The heck with it, just get up and read for awhile. Trouble is, tying myself in knots leads to certain "inner" repurcussions. I spent a fair amount of time in the "reading room" this morning.
Those entries I did last week were draining. That kind of writing usually is for me. It's like everything gets poured into the words and it takes awhile to get my balance back. Doesn't help that I'd really like to take an old fashioned Irish walking stick to the whole Washington crew. Both parties. Loved the court ruling earlier in the week. The Oregonian led off with the quote from the judge in big, black letters. Loose translation-you screwed up. Big time.
I look at all those pictures from the war zones and I keep putting my sisters or their kids in the shots and try to imagine how it would feel to know that this was happening to them. Too bad Bush, Cheney and company can't seem to do the same thing. And even if these "birth pangs of democracy" are worth it, you can only decide that the sacrifice is worthwhile for yourself. Nobody has the right to make that decision for someone else. And that may be the most draining thing of all.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Made it to the Scandinavian Festival in Junction City this morning. Saw Lisa from http://journals.aol.com/mlraminiak/ComingtotermswithMiddleAge briefly. This is their biggest gig and the weather was perfect the first three days. And not bad today. She was busy as an Oregon beaver and if she wasn't loving every minute of it, she was at least happy about the great business they'd done the first three days. Of course that meant if they weren't baking, they were stuffing pastry pockets to be baked. Spinich and cheese,,,,,salmon,,,,,,,turkey and swiss,,,,,,,Swedish meatballs. Uh, oh. I'm drooling too close to the keyboard.
Scandie is a small town gig that hasn't gotten too big for it's britches. It's basically four days where part of downtown Junction City closes down and you can eat things like filled puff pastry sandwiches, people watch, sample Swedish pancakes, check out the jewelry booths, hunt up Dana's cream puffs (I admired, I did not sample), check out some surprisingly good paintings, find meatballs on a stick, tell yourself people can wear shorts if they want to (no matter how silly they look), check out the sausage sandwiches, listen to some great music and so on. I think you get the picture. I wouldn't want anyone to think that folks only go there to eat, but good food is definitely one of the main reasons for going.
I saw some remarkably nice jewellry. Down girl, you already have a lot of earrings you don't wear. And there is a guy who makes these wonderful wooden puzzle pictures. All diffrerent kinds of wood, colors and grains. He'd done different birds, fish, maps, there was even a racoon trying to climb on a branch.Woodwork, metalwork. leather items, ribbon flower wreaths that a lot of the women wear with their costumes. the whole shebang. There was even a gal with a spinning wheel doing demonstrations. Everybody with a booth has to be in costume and some of them are really pretty.
Admission is free, everybody is Swedish, Danish, Norwegian or Finnish for a few hours and it's just a good time. And #$%%^$^ I forgot my camera. Waaaaaah!
And Lisa even had a big red ribbon on her booth. They got second prize for best returning vendor. They did land office business this time and she was very, very happy. Running on fumes, but happy. Oh and the meatball sandwich was wonderful.
For a virtual visit go here. http://www.scandinavianfestival.com/new.htm
Friday, August 11, 2006
This ties in with my last entry. I finally wrote about the war in Iraq in a way that led to the dots connecting in a certain way. And now that I’m here, what the hell do I do about it? Is there some way for all of us to hook up with the people in our own parts of the country and get a viable third party going? Because trusting most of the members of either party to lead us out of this mess is next to useless.
It’s no secret that the Islamic fundamentalists want to replace the secular governments in the Islamic world with religious based governments. Especially those headed with dictators. And it’s no secret that the Shiites in Iran want stronger ties with their counterparts in Iraq. So, what do you call the officials in our government who aid and abet these ambitions? And they can’t plead ignorance; the information was there for anyone who cared to see it. Heck, Tom Clancy wrote a whole novel on the subject. His book had a better outcome though.
Again, what name do we give the president, the vice president, and members of the administration who only saw what they wanted to see and refused to hear anyone who didn’t see the same picture? What do we call leaders and advisors who put personal and party ambition ahead of the good of their country and their fellow citizens? What do we call representatives who followed instead of leading, who kept quiet because they were afraid of being labeled “unpatriotic,” or “soft on terrorism” or just don’t want to admit they were wrong? Do we call them fools or traitors? I think I’m going to be sick. I know I’m ready to scream. And I am very, very angry. Some of that anger is directed at myself. I’m sorry it took so long to connect all the dots and come to this sad, inevitable conclusion.
(If you’ll look up Christian Dominionism or Christian Reconstruction on the net you’ll find that such ambitions are not confined to radical Muslims.)
Looks like I’m in full rant mode.
Let me see if I have this straight. A terrorist group known as Al Queda and led by Osama Bin Ladin from Saudi Arabia, orchestrated the plane crashes in 2001 using mainly Saudi operatives. We went after Afghanistan because they were harboring at least some of the members of this group and Bin Ladin was not only known to have allies in the Taliban government, but reported to be living in the country. We succeeded in partly overthrowing the Taliban dominated government, but didn’t catch Bin Ladin. And considering the rumors that he and his followers who fought the Soviets in Afghanistan received at least part of their training from the CIA I’m not sure our government wants to find him. At least not in any condition testify or make public statements. Al Queda denies American ties from that period but the rumors keep surfacing. See this entry in Wikpedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osama_bin_Laden
Even though almost all the 9/11 terrorists were Saudis belonging to a group led by a Saudi millionaire, we turned our attention to Saddam Hussein in Iraq. A secular dictator despised by the Islamic fundamentalists, a ruler who was a son of a bitch, but used to be “our” son of a bitch (at least part of the time.) Our army overthrew his government, removing the only regional counter weight to Iran. An Iran overflowing with oil money from the west and China. Every time one excuse for the invasion was proved to false, another was brought into play. But, hey the excuses worked. At lease half of the Americans asked in the latest poll still believe Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Bush’s weapons of mass distraction are still working just fine.
Yo, Shrub boy. Looks to me like you just did part of Bin Ladin’s work for him. He didn’t support Hussein, he despised him. Iraq is out of the game as any kind of a regional influence. Granted Iraq was pretty much out of the game before, but the threat was there. Iranians who remembered the costs of the last war with Iraq weren’t really looking for another one anytime soon. Until we did their work for them. The Shiites in Iraq are free to hook up with their fellows in Iran. And our continuing dependence on foreign oil gives them the money to finance their ambitions. And by only appearing before orchestrated audiences you can be sure no one is going to ask any embarassing questions.
What opponents of this administration and the Republicans in Congress need to hammer home is this. The diversion in Iraq pulled attention away from Bin Ladin and Al Queda. We’ve wasted the sympathy of the world we gained after 9/11 and tied down the bulk of our ground forces beyond the foreseeable future. I’ll bet Bin Ladin has bend over backwards to keep from laughing himself silly every time he makes a new tape. Heck, he should put Bush on the payroll.
We’ve strengthened the terrorists not weakened them. We’ve destabilized the Middle East more than it already was. We’ve pulled the rugs out from under the moderates. Any sympathetic Muslim politicians are going to keep their heads down or risk getting the homegrown version of Karl Rove style attacks on their patriotism. Hey, it worked on American politicians. No reason why it can’t work someplace else. At least we’re still at the name calling stage. We haven’t started shooting, bombing or kidnapping the local politicians when we don’t agree with them.
And just for chuckles, go read your US history. Especially the parts about Boston before the revolution. Pay special attention to what happened to tax officials and customs collectors. Read up on Thomas Hutchinson and what happened to his mansion. Check out the little civil war in the southern colonies between the patriots and crown supporters concentrated in the hill country. Those folks on both sides could have given lessons in terror tactics. At the grad school level.
I highly recommend a PBS series called Liberty. It’s available on DVD. Check out your local library, it’s pricy. I must have gotten my copy on sale or before it got so scarce. Amazon only had two copies so maybe it’s out of print. Bowen’s biography of John Adams also has an excellent section on the politics in Boston before the revolution. I wonder what we’d call the Muslin equivalent of the Committees of Correspondence? Or check out the run up to our Civil War. Kansas Territory didn’t pick up the adjective, bleeding, because the settlers were more accident prone than normal. Makes you stop and think doesn’t it?
Why do we keep running into “terrorists?” Because, the tactics work often enough to keep the next generation hoping it will work for them. I guess the only difference between labeling someone a terrorist or a freedom fighter is in the eye of the beholder.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
There have been some stories on AOL that have invited a lot of posts. The poison pens are out in force. I know, I know. More than one of you have told me to just stay out of the chat rooms. It’s not the feeling that I’ve been swimming in a middle-ages style castle moat at noon at high summer that’s bothering me. Although some of these folks could stand to have their mouths washed out with a good bar of Ivory. Talk about potty mouths. It’s not the cussing so much, but, sheesh folks can’t you come up with something new. Go read Shakespeare or something. Now, there’s a man who could curse. He came up with some stuff that would make you proud to be on the receiving end just so you could admire the creativity.
The first thing that’s bugging me is the calls to “nuke this place” or “nuke that piece of real estate.” Up to and including inside the US. Just out of curiosity, what exactly do you think these weapons are? Just bigger and better conventional explosives? Because if you do, boy do I have a movie for you. Back in the eighties there was a made for TV flick called The Day After. Scared the bejeesus out of most of ABC’s audience and has been pretty much off the radar ever since. Kind of hard to sell breath mints and new cars during a movie that’s just reduced large portions of the country to radioactive slag and leaves most of the survivors envying the dead. For anyone who thinks nuclear weapons are just bigger, better conventional bombs, this will be an eye opener. And if you do find a copy, watch it in the afternoon. Or at least a night when insomnia won't be a problem. This ain’t no bed time story.
Nuke LA to get rid of the illegals and everybody upwind gets to glow in the dark too. There are quite a few Californianos of Hispanic or mixed heritage in southern California who just happen to be citizens. Including my cousins and their kids. Yeah, fourth and fifth generation. So be careful when you start deciding who should be reduced to a shadow on a wall.
Nuke Manhattan and everybody goes, not just the Jewish population that seems to bother you. If the wind is coming in from the northeast, there are a whole lot of folks along the Great Lakes that are going to be throwing up their toenails too. And let’s not even get into what the contamination will do to the freshwater lakes, the Mississippi or the breadbasket of America. Same with Detroit to get rid of the “niggers.” No weapon comes with a switch only kills the people we don’t like. And God help us if we ever figure out a way to create one. We would truly be in hell.
We won’t even go into the “fallout” of using the weapons overseas. And yes, I know people will say things on line where they don’t have to look people in the eye. But, like Mel Gibson saying “the booze made me say all those horrible things,” being anonymous doesn’t put those ideas in your mind. It just lets you feel safe enough to let it all hang out. Merciful Mother, do they let it all hang out. Is there anybody some of you don’t hate?
The other thing that really stands out it the complete lack of empathy for the people on the ground in Lebanon and Israel who are stuck in the middle of this continuing mess. The Lebanese are not the enemy here. They were putting themselves back together after nearly twenty years of civil war. Our Civil War lasted just over four years and devastated large areas of the south. I wonder how we’d react if it had lasted nearly five times as long and affected the entire country. Don’t even want to imagine it do we? One man lost reportedly lost fifteen members of his close family. If I leave out my cousins' spouses and kids, I’d be down to about ten people in the crash of a missile. Imagine yourself the only survivor of your immediate family. No parents, no kids, no brothers or sisters, no nieces or nephews.
I think it’s distancing behavior. Once we admit the humanity of the people on the ground on both sides, it’s too easy to put ourselves in their place. And imagining how we’d feel if it were members of our families being pulled out of the wreckage of their homes would be too painful. We might have to admit that nobody “deserves” to have this happen to them or their families. Oh, and this is a universal everybody. I’m only to happy to put Americans calling Muslims ragheads,Shiites who believe Sunnis aren’tfit to live-no matter how little they are, and everybody in between in the same tent. God/dess help us all, because we sure as hell can’t help ourselves.
Saturday, August 5, 2006
My sister, bless her heart, forwarded this to me. I thought I’d post it and then make my comments at the end. It was this e-mail that prompted my last couple of posts.
Dr Dobson & CBS Response
Apparently we are to be allowed to watch TV
programs that use every foul word in the English
language, but not the word "God." It will only
take a minute to read this and see if you think
you should send it out
DR. DOBSON'S PLEA FOR ACTION
CBS discontinued "Touched by an Angel" for using
the word God in every program. Madeline Murray
O'Hare, an atheist, successfully managed to
eliminate the use of Bible reading from public
schools a few years ago.
Now her organization has been granted a federal
hearing on the same subject by the Federal
Communication Commission (FCC) in Washington, DC.
Their petition, Number 2493, would ultimately pave
the way to stop the reading of the gospel our Lord
and Savior, on the airwaves of America.
They got 287,000 signatures to back their stand!
If this attempt is successful, all Sunday worship
! services being broadcast on the radio or by
television will be stopped. This group is also
campaigning to remove all Christmas programs and
Christmas carols from public schools!
You as a Christian can help!
We are praying for at least 1 million signatures. This would
defeat their effort and show that there are many Christians
alive, well and concerned about our country. As Christians
we must unite on this. Please don 't take this lightly.
We ignored this lady once and lost prayer in our
school and in offices across the nation
Please stand up for your religious freedom and let
your voice be heard. Together we can make a
difference in our country while creating a way for
the lost to know the Lord.
Please press "forward", and forward this to
everyone that you think should read this.
Now, please sign your name at the bottom ( you
can only add your name afteryou have pressed the
Don't delete any other names, just go to the next
number and type your name and state. Please defeat this
organization and keep the right of our freedom of religion.
REMEMBER! : Our country was founded on freedom of religion
and our Constitution is based on the 10 Commandments.
PETITION TO REINSTATE PRAYER IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
Agree or Delete: Instructions to sign are at the bottom.
PETITION FOR PRES. BUSH
PETITION TO REINSTATE PRAYER IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
I deleted the portion of the e-mail that included the names of the folks who signed this turkey. I have to admit I didn’t find sis’s name. Thank you Goddess. There were almost two thousand names. And the typical chain mail threat of if you don’t forward this, we’ll lose all these names. Yo, just check your sent mail option. The names are still there.
Touched by An Angel: A not bad TV series that had a nine season run. Actually, I was more into the X-Files, But that’s just me. That’s fine long run for any show. Heck MASH only ran two more seasons. Either the ratings started to go down or the people involved with the show pulled the plug because they’d gone as far as they could go with the idea. Talk about your conspiracy theory.
The petition: Really does or did exist. In 1974. And it didn’t have anything to do with banning reading the scripture or mentioning God on TV. It did concern limiting the granting of access to channels reserved for education to religious groups that weren’t teaching institutions. And it was denied in 1975. This urban legend is older than any of my nephews. Actually it’s been plaguing the FCC longer than either of my sisters have been married.
Dr. Dobson: While I don’t have any use for the good psychiatrist-not theologian-or his group Focus on Family, there appears to be no link between him or anything in this e-mail. I’m not sure how he got linked to this and from the comments I found on a link on his groups web site, they don’t know either.
I wrote about my opinion of prayer in schools in my last post.
Ms. O'Hare has been dead since the mid-nineties and didn't have anything to do with the original petition.
Uh, the current president hasn’t had much luck with any other amendment ideas the last few years. I repeat-as long as there are tests, there WILL be prayers in school. They just won’t be repeated over the com system.
First time I’ve heard the Bill of Rights linked to the Ten Commandments. About all they have in commen is that there are ten of each.
Only in America. L
Anybody who’s read my journals for awhile knows that I have a rather twisted sense of humor. Spending an evening researching the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster can leave you looking at some things in a slightly different way.
I suspect that we take the Creator/Creatress far more seriously than God/dess takes themselves. The human foot and back don’t suggest an Intelligent Designer. It gives me the impression of somebody who was definitely making things up as they went along. I mean flat feet and bad backs. You’d think somebody could have planned things a little better.
And take the human body itself. I mean you have a two legged, barely furred critter with its you know what’s bobbing in the wind. SOMEBODY had a seriously twisted sense of humor. Clothing may have been invented for protection, but I’m sure it was adapted very quickly for “show.” You may have seen portraits of Henry VIII. The young Henry was a tall, slender athlete. Henry in old age definitely needed all the velvet and satin camouflage he could get his pudgy bejeweled hands on.
Can you imagine any of our politicians, broadcasters, or religious leaders being taken seriously with their (sniggering, hand-waving) you know what’s waving or in many cases sagging in public. How seriously would anyone take Rumsfeld if he had to testify in the buff. In fact how seriously would you take any politician if they had to do their stump speeches in the altogether. No lecterns allowed. I know. I’ve got a new slogan. “No clothes for congressmen.” I bet the speeches would be a lot shorter and more to the point
This is the entry I was working on when I got sidetracked by to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This entry was prompted by an e-mail my sister forwarded to me. More on that in another entry. But, part of it had to do with amending the constitution to allow prayer in school. That is state sponsored prayer. To quote a bumper sticker I saw years ago, “As Long as There are Tests There Will be Prayer in Schools.'
I don’t really have a problem with prayer in schools as long as certain conditions are met. It should be limited to the students and they need bring there own material from home. Although there would be no way to prove they went to their pastor for help. And they should be able to give a little one or two minute talk on what makes their personal beliefs special. For example “I’m Eastern Orthodox and this is how we got started.” Or “I’m Catholic and I think St. Francis is special because.”
I was raised a Methodist so speaking about John Wesley and his beliefs, the hymns Charles Wesley wrote, the influence of this mother Susanna: she raised a rectory full of children on a parson’s stipend and taught Bible classes when her husband was away. He supported her by the way. Where the name Methodist came from in the first place. It was not meant to be a compliment.
The important this is that everybody gets a shot at it. Probably more than one shot as the school year goes by. Every Rastafarian, Pasatafarian, B’Hai, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Catholic, Orthodox, Muslim, Jew, and Wiccan gets their time up front. The only ground rules would be respectful attention and not calling down the wrath of God/dess on anybody else. The kids would probably get a kick out of it. They might accidentally learn something and at least half of the parents and other adults would be fit to be tied. That in itself makes me think it would be a really great idea and also that is will never happen.
I suspect that this is not what the prayer amendment crew is looking for. They’re looking for an official acknowledgement that this is a “Christian” nation. An expression of what I call Civic Religion. If they can be convinced to write an official prayer that doesn’t offend anyone it will be so bland and impersonal that it will all but worthless. Anything else will risk leaving a significant minority standing in the cold. But, in the current political climate, most of them will settle for standing in cold silence rather than risking calling attention to themselves.
Friday, August 4, 2006
While researching another entry I ran across this entry about the Pastafarians (also known as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) This is their version of the Ten Commandments.
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he cannot find a Pirate ship, Mosey
the Pirate captain --a parody of Moses from the Old Testament-- receives
some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone
tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM,
the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiments" by his Pirate gang. While
there were originally ten tablets, two were dropped on the way back down the
mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for
Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards". The FSM's commandments address the
treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and
The event is very similar to a scene from Mel Brooks's History of the World,
Part I, in which the Moses character originally receives fifteen
commandments but accidentally drops five of them, leaving only the Ten
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou
Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me,
That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So
Don't Change The Subject.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress,
Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't
Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How
They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And
Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey.
One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm
Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference
Between Teal and Fuchsia.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or
Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For
Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go Fuck Yourself, Unless
They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And
Go For A Walk For A Change.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful
Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar
Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could
Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
Ø Ending Poverty
Ø Curing Diseases
Ø Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple
Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People ITalk To You.
You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your
Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do
Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las
Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have
At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly,
It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I
Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
The "church" was founded here in Oregon by a physics graduate of Oregon State University at Corvallis. The gospel of HIs Noodly Goodness originated right here in good old Oregon.
The Wikpedia entry can be found here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_the_Flying_Spaghetti_Monster#The_Eigh#The_Eigh